I never dated a friend (part 1)

I never knew love through friendship (before my now partner). So my perception of love was a lot different than it is now, as I longed for a kind of love I thought only existed in rom-coms and envied couples who actually enjoyed seeing each other.

Most of my dating life started with a first “date”, a first step into the unknown. We were always straight to the point — or at least we both knew it was romantic. I never tasted the quiet heat of a slow burn, nor that soft, lingering kind of innocent crush — one that builds without pressure. It was always more like an interview I had already memorized all the right answers to, making it feel more like a chore than something I genuinely wanted.

I used to never ‘mix’ friendship with love. In simpler words, I never really saw a love interest as part of my team. It was like I had my own little world — my people, my routines, my safe zones — and then, somewhere outside of that, stood the person I was dating. An outsider. Separated not by accident, but by my high walls.

I never truly befriended those I loved — like, ever. Yes, we shared stories, small joys, and fleeting moments, but that was about it. I always — even if not consciously — kept whoever I was dating at a certain distance, to the point that it barely felt real once they were out of sight.

With them, I was someone else entirely. So much so that letting them see me in my natural habitat felt like a scary kind of exposure, a rawness I wasn’t ready to share.

And I can’t deny that this worked for a certain period of time, until you realize three whole months in that you’re dating someone whose stance is on the total opposite of yours on the political compass.

And the “so shocking” thought hits you: Oh. If we weren’t dating, this wouldn’t be someone I’d want to be friends with.

Which, to be honest, is probably something you could’ve acknowledged on your third coffee date — back when they casually called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* an “underground, inspiring, most life-changing” book they’ve ever read. But back then, you laughed it off because they complimented your hair.

(Check my profile for part 2)